I imagine that maybe i was just a differnt person back in the day . I can't really think of another reason why the Black eyed peas just dont excite me anymore. I remember listening to and i was jamming out. Was there something wrong with me? I mean now I hear this and it does little to nothing for me. Have I just become less joyful? Makes me wonder whats wrong with me. I feel like i used to be alot more carefree and I can't figure out if thats a good thing or not. I am going to be a mom soon and I know that alot of responsibility comes with that but I don't want my child to grow up with a mom who is just a ball of nerves and never enjoys anything. I have to find a balance. I think thats where I have the biggest problem . It is almost like an inherited trait. The inability to just find a middle ground and not be one extreme of the other. However i do feel like when i was in my early twenties I had a good balance of responsibility and fun. I could be wrong though that is when i accrued my debt that is still stuck with me unfortunately. But man i did have fun back then! I just have to find a balance. I know it is not uncommon to try and chase those years that you felt the happiest but I can't avoid the fact that I am a different version of myself and am forever growing and changing. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing but it can be a hard thing to come to terms with. I think with some conscience effort I can find a place with myself that i am comfortable with and that is good and responsibility. I mean isn't that life? A constant journey to find yourself and at the same time growing and changing?
Heres is a song that I just cant get enough of.
Here is a song I can't enough of... Crap! I may be worse than you at this parental thing.
ReplyDeleteBut we're always in flux, doing better and worse, more overtly "fun" and more "serious".
I find that with music all the time. Sometimes I'll listen to one thing and not be able to get enough of it and others I'll shrug. Sometimes that's an artist, sometimes a genre.
I'm having a weird flux with movies right now. I keep thinking I want to watch a movie, but everything sounds... eh, not quite right.
Ya..its a little deeper than music though..i think..i feel like i was happier then ..but like i said maybe its just hormones but i am gonna try and regain some of that joy and still be me now and some of me then.. we can never be who we were when we were younger..and thats probably a good thing ...I am glad I have you and I would not change that for the world . I hear the interest rate is murder lol i joke ..i wouldn't wanna miss the chance to snag u up!
ReplyDeleteYeah, and memory puts a weird fog around everything, sometimes good, sometimes bad. But always clouded, so we can never be happy or sad or angry or rebellious or awesome or pieces of crap the way we remember ourselves being those things.
ReplyDeleteBut I wouldn't go back to my younger days, and I certainly would never go back to a time I wasn't with you. I'm so lucky for all the choices I made that led up to being with you, no matter how hard parts of it were getting here.
I love you more than anything else in the world.
aww sniffle sniffle ..sweet for sure! I feel the same way! A poet ye is ..a poet
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